


Something Far More Great

by TriplePirouette



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2012-11-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 14:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriplePirouette/pseuds/TriplePirouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of the last scene in Memento Mori, our dynamic<br/>duo decides it's time to talk . . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Far More Great

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on August 1, 1998 under a different name. I have since changed to Triple Pirouette and I am posting for archival purposes and have not edited or otherwise changed anything about this story since then, including the rest of the author notes. -3P
> 
>  
> 
> Rating - PG  
> Category - S,R,A, MSR  
> Spoilers - Post Memento Mori & everything before it's fair game  
> Keywords -Mulder/Scully romance
> 
> Archive- TO GOSSAMER PLEASE! ANYWHERE ELSE PLEASE ASK! (I almost never  
> say no) 
> 
> Disclaimer- They're not mine. Seriously. Last time I checked they  
> weren't. Talk to CC&1013\.   
> Authors Notes- Well, This is almost 6 months old, and I wrote it for  
> Melissa based on her poem. I know, I should be working on Folish Games  
> II, but I'm a little stuck, so forgive me. Enjoy, send feedback, all  
> that kinda good stuff. Thanks to Anu, Carol, Kristen, & esp. Melissa  
> for all your help & encouragement! You guys rule!
    
    
      
    ~X~X~X~X~X~X~
    
    "Following His Precious Word"
            By Melissa P
    
    Facing death's dark door
            I stand, waiting for my dark demise
    Clad in black he stands before me
            Fire gleaming in his eyes.
    As I walk I feel the fear,
            Terror of my eternal fate
    Until I see him change before me
            Into something far more great
    Clad in white he walks toward me
            Traveling at a constant speed
    We walk together towards the light,
            As his precious word I heed.
    
    ~X~X~X~

* * *
    
    
    Dana walked down the hall, the tears that had stung her eyes finally
    flowing freely, falling to her white robe from her red face. She did not
    turn back to see him, she wouldn't let him see her cry. Dana walked back
    to her room and began to gather her things to check out, Mulder's words
    ringing through her head. "The truth will save you . . . " Well, she
    wondered, where was the truth and how many lies would they have to
    uncover to get to it?
    
    Down the hall, Mulder examined the vial of Dana's ovum. How could he
    tell her of what he`d seen? When would he gather the courage to look her
    in the eyes and tell her instead of staring at that spot right in the
    middle of her forehead? He didn't know. He just knew that he couldn't
    give up on her, if it meant the rest of his life was devoted to her, so
    be it. He'd made the oath before for his dear sister, and now it seemed
    that he had to change the focus of his myopic life for the better. He
    slipped the vial back in his pocket and walked down the corridor and out
    of the hospital. 
            
    Dana picked up her "diary." Now, as she reread the pages, it seemed more
    like one long love letter. Maybe she had meant it that way, maybe she
    didn't, it was confusing. She shoved the small book back into her bag
    and zipped it up. Clad in jeans and a long sweater she took one last
    look at her room and left the hospital, only pausing to send up a prayer
    for Penny as she passed her room. Would there be someone standing before
    her empty room in weeks, months, or years from now when she lost the
    battle and her internal enemy won? She left without turning back.
    
    ~X~X~X~

* * *
    
    
    Mulder sat in his car across the street from Dana's  apartment, tears
    staining his pale face. He felt responsible for all of it. From
    Samantha's disappearance, he had always bore the brunt of the blame. His
    mother was depressed, his father an alcoholic, and he carried the guilt
    because no one ever told him it wasn't his fault. And he had done it
    throughout his life, especially for those he loved. Now, everything that
    affected Dana affected him. It had been that way for a long time, but
    now it had come to such a maddening, overwhelming, jumble of un
    shareable feelings that something had to be done. Mulder knew that no
    matter what he felt now, it was multiplied immeasurably in Dana's mind,
    and in his own mind he knew he had to help her. He dragged her into this
    immeasurable hell, he would rescue her from it.      
    
    He could still remember the day when she walked into his office, as calm
    as ever, and telling him of the cancer and MUFON women she'd met. Every
    word, every syllable out of her mouth that day incited a feeling of
    dread in him, almost a premonition of things to come, but he wouldn't
    show her, wouldn't let her know how afraid he was. He thought that if he
    didn't believe, that she wouldn't either. He tried not to care, to
    ignore it, and soon, he was able to convince himself it was a bad dream
    and nothing more. That was, until his bad dream became a nightmare and
    swallowed them both. He couldn't ignore it any longer, not just the
    nightmare, but the feeling he got when he saw her, or the searing pain
    he felt when she was hurt, or his unbelievable need to wrap his arms
    around her and protect her from everything and anything. He wanted her
    for himself, he wanted her to love and protect, he knew he couldn't have
    her, but he wanted her.  Mulder turned to stare at the light in her
    window. 
    
    Dana fell to her couch after losing the meager contents of her stomach
    into the toilet. She couldn't wait to be free of chemotherapy, it left
    her feeling sicker then when she had gone into the hospital. She wrapped
    her blanket around her and repositioned her head against the arm of the
    chair, closing her eyes and willing sleep. She could still see Mulder
    standing before her in black, his mysterious self, transmitting so many
    encoded things through his words and actions. It felt so good to be in
    his arms then, to be held by him, and she was able to believe that he
    loved her and it would be all right, just for those few seconds in time. 
    
    Yes, she loved him. It was that kind of love she'd had when she was in
    high school, when she fell in love with Ed, the boy whose locker was
    right next to hers. They'd been friends for as long as she could
    remember, and had a lot of classes together, but as much as she wanted
    to, she couldn't ask him out, she could never get the nerve, and she
    never wanted to ruin the friendship. So Dana and Ed were just friends,
    but every time she saw him even flirt with another girl it killed her
    inside. Eventually she got over him, but now she felt the same way with
    Mulder, but stronger. She hadn't truly known until after Leonard Betts
    attacked her. Dana sat in that car while Mulder asked her if she was all
    right, and she said she was, but she wasn't. She knew right there and
    then that he was the only person who could take that hurt away, she
    wanted him to hold her, to touch her, in the way that only he could.
    
    Jerse was a test on herself. She wanted to know if a man would find her
    attractive enough to sleep with her, she wanted to be wild and new and
    different and not the Ice Queen for once. And she needed to be loved, to
    be touched after hearing Betts' words, but she couldn't go through with
    it, because she always saw Mulder's face instead of Ed's, wished it were
    Mulder's hands and words, and she couldn't be touched by someone else
    when all she dreamed of was Mulder, it would have been a sin to pretend
    to love this man to drown her own sorrows. So, she came back and had no
    idea what to tell Mulder, he tried, he really did, but he was clueless.
    All she wanted was for him to understand, he didn't have to love her, he
    just had to understand. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes as
    a familiar song played on the television.
    <God I feel like hell tonight
    Tears of rage I cannot fight
    I'd be the last to help you understand 
    Are you strong enough to be my man?>
    
    ~X~X~X~

* * *
    
    
    Mulder sat in his car, staring at Dana's window. It was now or never, he
    had to make things right between them. Ever since IT came he could feel
    her withdrawing, minute by minute, and he couldn't let it go on. He
    would be there for her, he had to be, he wouldn't allow himself not to.
    He couldn't fight his feelings now, with no promise of time, even if she
    didn't feel the same way, he had to tell her. 
    
    He got out of his car and strode across the street, up to her building,
    and with one last deep breath, he went in and began to ascend the stairs
    to her apartment. As he stood in front of her door he gathered his
    courage, a million scenes running through his mind. He lifted his fist
    and knocked. 
    
    "Who is it?" Came Dana's raspy reply to the knock as she got up to get
    it. 
    
    "Scully? It's me." She opened the door, revealing him, and leaving him
    no chance to run. "I hope it isn't too late, I saw your light on and . .
    . "
    
    "Don't lie Mulder. I know you've been sitting out there all night. What
    do you want to talk about?" She said, her voice still raspy as she sat
    back on her couch, throwing the blanket back over herself. 
    
    "Well, I," He closed the door and moved to sit next to her. "I thought
    that maybe you would want to talk?" He rested his elbows on his thighs,
    looking at the television that sat across from them, the sound barely
    audible. 
    
    "Not really." She sounded detached to Mulder's ears, her words came
    without meaning. "I'm fine."
    
    "Now I know something's wrong.  Scully, I want you to know I'm here for
    you, if you ever want to talk, as a friend, or a co-worker, or whatever
    you want me to be. I didn't talk about Samantha for a long time, and
    look where it got me." Mulder shifted his gaze to her face as he
    continued. "A lot's happened lately, and you know I can't trust many
    people, and I have the feeling that you've lost some of your faith in
    people, too. So . . . so we have to be more honest with each other."  He
    searched her pale face which looked haunted from the darkly contrasting
    rings under her eyes, and wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. "Do
    you know what I'm saying?" Mulder searched for a sign of light in her
    eyes, anything to tell him she knew what he was trying to say. 
    
    Her eyes began to widen as her brain began to put the scattered pieces
    together using some of her stored MulderLogic. Just as he opened her
    mouth to reply to his confession of sorts, she felt the tremors in her
    stomach. Dana stood, untangling herself from the quilt, almost tripping. 
    
    "Scully? Is something wrong?" Mulder got up and tried to assist her, but
    she shied away from his efforts.
    
    Dana got untangled from the quilt and tripped into a dash for the
    bathroom, closing the door behind her.
    
    Mulder went to the door, concern crossing his already worried face.
    "Scully?  Scu- ugh! Dana! Dana, what's wrong?" He stood, feeling more
    helpless every moment. He raised his hand to knock, but didn't. Instead
    he scratched his face and shifted his weight from one foot to the other,
    not knowing what to do. Needing to do something with his hands, he
    pulled off his leather jacket and threw it back to the living room,
    aiming for a chair, but not caring where it landed. Turning back to the
    door, he nervously rubbed his hands together as he called to her. "Dana?
    Do want me to do anything? Are you-"
    
    "I'm fine Mulder." She said as she opened the door, leaning on the
    bathroom counter.
    
    "Sure, and Cancer Man's the next recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
    Yeah, I believe you." He looked at her with his playful sarcasm, trying
    to draw her out of the bone deep tiredness and sadness she seemed to
    exude from her pores.
    
    "It's just the chemo, it'll ware off in a few days," she replied, a
    smile gracing her taxed features, lightening her mood, as did Mulder's
    answering smile. He could almost always make her feel better. She began
    to make her way out of the bathroom, but her limbs didn't want to
    comply, her legs giving out from under her.
    
    "Woah, watch it."Mulder said as his arms magically appeared to catch her
    before she fell to the ground. "You should take it easy for a while." He
    said with a hint of sadness as his lifted her into his arms and tenderly
    carried her into the living room. Gently he laid her on the couch,
    covering her with the quilt that had been haphazardly thrown to the
    ground.
    
    "I guess I should slow down a bit..." Dana looked close to tears, her
    body's rebellion a disaster to her control.
    
    "Hey," His hand seemed to stroke her cheek of its own accord, his
    kneeling position by the couch perfect to look deep into her eyes as he
    spoke. "You are still the same person you always were, and nothing has
    changed between us. You need to know that, no matter what, you will
    always be the smart, strong, loving person that you are. I don't care
    about the cancer or the chips or the abductions, you are still the same
    person I have always known. I don't doubt your abilities, but I need
    you, and I need you to get better."
    
    "I know, I know..." She looked away, trying not to shed tears. "I
    just..." She looked away, not wanting to discuss the subject.
    
    "Tell me." He said as she gently turned her head toward him. 
    
    "I...I just.... I feel so violated, Mulder! I can't even trust my own
    memories! Something happened to me that might have caused this, that
    caused those women to know me, and I don't know what to do about it!
    Mulder, I mean, if you listened to me, and this is one time I'm glad you
    didn't, we would have gone along with Dr. Scandlon. Mulder, he killed
    those women, and I was almost one of them!" She was letting the tears
    slip down, her voice wavering, but confident in her words. " I feel like
    I've lost control! I don't know how to fight this Mulder! I can't fight
    my own body! I Just... It's so complicated, everything is spinning out
    of control around me and I don't know how to stop it." Mulder heard a
    hint of defeat in her voice the farther she got into her confession.
    
    "Dana, Dana, Dana." He said in a breath as he took her into his arms,
    drawing circles on her back, trying to calm her. "I'll always be here
    for you. We'll get through this. We will."
    
    His whispered promise of a future was not lost on either of them. As he
    held her, Mulder felt a freedom, as if he had finally said what he
    wanted, broken through that  line, and he no longer had to watch
    himself. 
    
    Dana could see it in his eyes, it was almost a rebirth. There was a new
    lightness, like the wall that had surrounded his heart had crumbled with
    that small promise. She moved her hand over to grasp his and laced their
    fingers together. 
    
    "I know you'll always be here Mulder. I do. But, you have to start
    talking to me Mulder. No more secrets. No more campaigns of
    misinformation. We have to be honest with each other."
    
    His eyes brightened at her little inside joke. "No more campaigns of
    misinformation. You do realize that means that you just can't say `I'm
    fine' anymore I won't accept that as an answer." He began to grin a rare
    MulderGrin where it even spread to his eyes.
    
     "No more `I'm fines,' I promise." Dana smiled and then looked at their
    clasped hands, using her other hand to push her hair behind her ear.
    When she looked at Mulder again, her face was serious. His grin slowly
    faded as he waited for her words. Dana took a deep breath. "It won't be
    easy, Mulder. We have to face the facts sometimes. And just like you
    don't want me to be strong all the time, I don't expect you to be,
    either. There might be days when all I want to do is cry, and you'll
    feel the same way, and when that happens, we'll cry together. You can't
    keep what you're feeling from me if we're gonna do this together. You
    can't. And I can't keep trying to guess what's going on in that head of
    yours. I can't. I know you understand what's going on inside my head,
    you're the only one who does. I can't keep it inside anymore. I can't. I
    need you to be here with me, to be here for me. Can you understand
    that?" Tears threatened to pore from Dana's eyes. 
    
    "I will always be here for you, Dana. And I will try my best to be more
    open, but, I've never been that way before. I've always......it's just
    that.....If I start to be an ass you've got to tell me. Sometimes, I
    just don't know any better. No one's ever been as interested in me as a
    person as you have, Dana. You gotta.."
    
    "Shh." Dana put her finger to his lips, silencing him. "Not now. Not
    now. Just......I want you to hold me. Just hold me. " Her voice was a
    strangled whisper, begging for his compliance. 
    
    Mulder looked at her and stood, sliding next to her on the couch. She
    crawled into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her, one around her
    waist, the other stroked her face and hair. He wanted to hold her
    forever. 
    
    In his arms she felt protected, with his words she felt loved. She knew
    that, in time, he would break his promise and run off, claiming he was
    trying to protect her. For now, though, she was content to know that he
    cared about her on some level that was separate from work. 
    
    They would have to keep working to find the cure. This thing that there
    was between them couldn't interfere, she never wanted to be away from
    Mulder again, but they had to work. No one could know about this just
    yet, not even her mother, just for now. But all that wasn't important
    now. Dana sighed. All she wanted to do was be held by his strong arms. 
    
    Mulder looked down to see Dana asleep, her breathing shallow, her mouth
    slightly open. To him she was an angel. He knew it would take a lot of
    work to let her love him, he wasn't the biggest person on sharing
    emotions, but there was no one he would rather share his with. He would
    worry about that later, though. Now he was here for her. 
    
    Mulder pulled up her blanket, letting it cover her and half of him. He
    settled her in his arms and closed his eyes, content in knowing that he
    would not have to deal with his nightmares tonight. 
    
    ~X~


End file.
